Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
