So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
