we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Someone signed my nipple.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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