i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
