careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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