Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
