oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
