I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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