Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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