I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
