He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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