my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
