so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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