Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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