I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
