I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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