if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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