I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
