I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
