So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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