she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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