i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
