I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
