he thought i was a dude.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
