Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
