i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
