and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
