im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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