If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
