Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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