wakey wakey hands off snakey
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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