i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
