So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
did i just pee glitter
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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