ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
