The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
