remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I die, sorry about rent.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
