Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
