You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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