my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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