So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think i have herpe
just one?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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