You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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