how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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