I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Mom said you looked used
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
