dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
