I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
