I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
