I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
