the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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