i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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