If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
