I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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