its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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