woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're too hungover to prance.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
