take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
