you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
