My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
