wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
