i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
