I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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