You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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