I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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