Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need to calm my uterus...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
