oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
