it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
