I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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