Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
