It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
