I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
