i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
