So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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