I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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