so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
