Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
