She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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