Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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