Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
