i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
