The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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