So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
