i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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