we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
