I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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