dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
