Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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