I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
